Hot Air
by PresidentGrinch
Summary: Tiny one-shot rambling about the Lizard King.


If there's one thing that Bullamankans know from birth, it's that everything else in Bullamanka is probably trying to kill you.

Yeah, they don't get many immigrants from other planets down there. They say that the entire planet might have been used as a prison in ancient times, and that every native descends from some criminal. Maybe it's just too darn hot. Nobody really knows why Bullamanka is so unstable.

There are many kings and queens down in Bullamanka. Except they're not a part of the government, Bullamanka has no official royalty. No, these kings and queens are akin to gang leaders or mafia bosses. If you happen to know one, chances are, they've killed people before!

The monarchs definitely hold a strong sway upon the population. Tiny wars between different kings and queens are not uncommon, and yes, people do die. But they are not without sympathy, they support and care for those who support them, the supporters are essentially their families.

You would do anything for your family, wouldn't you?

Yes, you would.

That's probably why you come across as such a unlikable jerk sometimes.

You're a king yourself, the Lizard King, to specify.

People outside of your home know you as that Space-T-Freeze guy who hangs around at the Comet Lounge every Thursday. They aren't aware they're talking to someone important when they argue with you that you gave them the wrong flavor of ice cream. A good spread of the thrills will get 'em running. But in Bullamanka, nobody even dares to look you in the eyes! God forbid they ever mention your job as an ice cream man. _Dead in an instant_, you'd say.

There are a small amount of "peaceful" monarchs on the planet. Nonetheless, you've still butt heads with a couple before, the Bandicoot King in particular coming to mind. They introduced an alternative to fighting in the street: the ancient game of Squid-Tac-Toe. This method began to appeal to you, as winning allowed you to execute the king/queen themselves by sending them down the gurgler. You were not as successful as you had hoped though. It's not that you weren't good; it's just that you weren't_ good enough_. That lack of absolute good would probably get you a trip down the gurgler if you met the right King. So you began to cheat like mad.

Death definitely wasn't something you wanted to receive anytime soon. In your eyes, dying was essentially betraying everyone who needed you, and many people needed you. Though after a while, you began to realize that if you kept playing this game, your chances of being killed are increased when you don't. The last straw was when the foreign champion you idolized arrived to stop you from cheating and killing off one of your rivals. Apparently, this peaceful king was more loved than you thought if members of the Federation stepped in to stop you.

Despite your attempted murder of him, the two of you became friends. The Bandicoot King's peaceful control of his supporters had kind of rubbed off on you, and you haven't grabbed somebody by the throat since! Not to mention that the Federation visit exploited Bullamanka's strong anarchism and weak official government. The Feds promised to let you go free if you stopped your whole "gang business thing", whatever that meant. Of course, you still want to protect and support your family and you will continue to do so in any method possible.

Which is why you're currently handing out frozen treats to any being who throws money at you. The Bandicoot King enrolled in a Federation academy ... maybe that would be a good idea, you know; expand your potential job range from assassin or ice cream man.

Perhaps, there will be a generation of Bullmankans born without the impulse to kill, you don't know if you'll be there with them. But hey, the world gets warmer all the time, even with your cold blood.

* * *

**Yeah, I'm sorry if this didn't make any sense. I was awake at 1 AM, and the hamster wheel in my mind just told me "WRITE A STORY ABOUT THE LIZARD KING", so I did, at 1 in the morning. **


End file.
